A free cat.

I am a stray which is to say a free cat able to go and do whatever I please. No bedtime. No rules. No social norms I have to follow. Nor am I obligated to care about the idiots I am surrounded by. Just a cat enjoying life as it comes.

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But I wasn’t always and up until a few months ago I didn’t think much about anything. I obediently behaved so as not to stick out. Because I was afraid to be myself. 

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Me growing up:

I was the naive, outgoing, friendly, loud girl. 

I was the girl who was relentlessly bullied on the school bus.

I was the girl who brought salad for lunch when everyone else brought sandwiches.

I was the girl whose mother ironed patches onto the holes in her jeans while every other mother just bought a new pair of jeans.

I was the girl who wasn’t afraid to play with the boys.

I was the girl who wasn’t afraid of bugs.

I was the girl all the cool kids secretly made fun.

I was the girl who didn’t have any friends.

-X-

And then I hit middle school.

-X-

I was the girl who got a boy’s haircut.

I was the girl who acted tough.

I was the girl who crushed on the coolest guy in her grade and then was completely humiliated by his bitches.

I was the girl who got fat and ugly.

I was the girl that all the guys called a he/she.

I was the girl who desperately wanted to be cool.

I was the girl who desperately wanted to be liked.

I was the girl who didn’t have any friends to hang out with on the weekends.

I was the girl who always came home crying after school.

I was the girl who always ate alone at lunch.

-X-

And then I hit highschool.

-X-

I was the girl who was fat and ugly.

I was the girl who didn’t care for make up.

I was the girl who wanted desperately to be cool.

I was the girl who wanted to be skinny.

I was the girl who wanted people to like her.

I was the girl who still (after moving schools twice) ate alone.

I was the girl who hated herself.

I was the girl who became anti-social.

I was the girl who avoided the cafeteria.

I was the girl who never had a date to a school dance.

I was the girl who slept all day just dreading tomorrow. 

-X-

But I am not that girl anymore. 

Nor do I ever wish to be her. 

I hate her. 

She was fat, ugly, friendless and worthless. 

I am not.